Okay, fate is written.

Letihnya.

I really want a break. Urgh. Baby told me to treat my masters as a vacation..like on & off, and to enjoy it, as this is a field of my own choice anyways. But then again, he's coming for a month, in the middle of the semester, and I REALLY don't wanna be busy with homework & classes & labs OMG...i wanna have 100% of the time all to myself, with him by my side. And now, it's obviously impossible for me to do so! I know. Urgh. How to go to places when I'm fully occupied 5 days a week, and I'm pretty sure that if I hv school on the weekdays, that means I hv to work at cydus on the weekends! Hmmmmm. =(


On the other hand, mama & ayah are leaving on the 20th. Cari rumah tak dpt2 lagi. I need to move out of my current apartment by Feb 3rd. *sigh* Enough of living in the city, I thought of staying in the suburbs. Any one that's within the proximity of my new school. Oh, talking bout that, I'm actually very relieved that somehow, because of what had happened, Hanna will be studying over here with me. How awesome! God's great. I'm really, really grateful. At least now I have someone near me to depend on, a wee bit. =P

Well~ a definite yes, fate is all written & ready. And that's undeniable sama sekali.

Finale!

Selesai. Okay, after yesterday, I can now focus on house hunting! But hmpf~ I've another issue..accepting the offer for a master degree in Swinburne or staying back in aussie on...i-dunno-which-visa am I eligible for if I defer my offer to the next intake, which will be in July '09. *sigh*

Kalau lah kau tak seleweng ratusan ribu tu.. Huh. Kau memang manusia takde hati.
Wait, manusia ke ?? HUH..

............................................................................................................
Alrite2..not now. Cuz I have wayyyyyy better things happening!! =D

Yesterday was The day, and I had the biggest surprise on my graduation day, the most meaningful present it is!
London-Melb on the 29th of March!!!!!!!!!! weeeeeeeee~!!! THANK YOU baby for deciding to terbang lagi ke mari! I really7 appreciate it. Really.
I just couldn't stop smiling. Thank you my dearest. :)

I'm going to make your visit worthwhile and most importantly, I will give you the first class treatment that you really deserve! =D

geez. I Can't Wait!

Done & over with!

Alhamdulillah.
Finally, I'm done with my bachelor degree.

So much relieved. At least I don't have to fight so hard with the pain anymore while trying to cope up with studies & assignments. Skrg aku cuma perlu kuatkan bdn yg tak berapa kuat ni for my daily routines. But luckily, it isn't as bad anymore.

Hmm..mama, ayah & Hanna will be arriving tonight. Convocation is on the 17th.
Telstra Dome, here I come! :)
I hope I can make them happy for a while if not all the time. Free from worries...particularly the worthless ones.

And as for him, good luck and all the best to you. My prayers surround you, always.

I'm done with my battle for now. Alhamdulillah once more. Somehow, my degree years were awesome. I enjoyed life more than ever. Exams weren't as stressful as they were during diploma. Cuma this time..more exhausting. Sbb played too hard. Nk study smart, cam tak kena. So terpaksa struggle lebih. Yea I did. Yg penting, playing too hard was never a regret to me. I had my time. The Moments. Which I truly value.

Thank you b..thank you so much for being there, each and every time. Awak buat saya rasa kita tak pernah literally jauh. Thank you for the times when you patiently waited for me to finish up all my assignments & reports, one after another. Teman saya stay up tiap2 malam, teman saya settle satu2 hal during the day, and of course, thank you for giving me the strength from within. You have no idea how much it means to me. And I know...I wouldn't have beautifully done it all, if it wasn't because of you.

Thus...this one is for you. :) Congratulations baby!

JAI DETOMASO ku..

***

Keindahanmu mencipta keindahanku.
Kesabaranmu memupuk kesabaranku.
Kekuatanmu menambah kekuatanku.
Kecantikanmu mengalah kecantikanku. (ya, kamu lelaki cantik!)
Kepintaranmu menerbit kepintaranku.
Kebaikanmu membuka kebaikanku.
Kesanggupanmu merintis kesanggupanku.
Keikhlasanmu menyinar keikhlasanku.
Maka yang benarnya,
Kesempurnaanku adalah kesempurnaanmu...

What If.

Somehow...I can sense that something bad is coming my way...

If this is going to be the biggest test for me, just please let it be only me.

Don't make this also a test for him and my parents. God I plead, please.. For I know how much they love me, and how much more they need me.

*77 Things I Really Love About You*

1. I love the fact on how you first fell in love with me since we were small.

2. I love the fact on how we once lived So close to one another (since we were born) yet we never knew about it until recently.

3. I love the Perfect personality in you.

4. I love the fact that we have So Many things in common.

5. I love the way you live your life; for you are as simple as I am.

6. I love your smiles and laughter.

7. I love your sense of humour.

8. I love your smell.

9. I love the way you look after shower; very pretty..

10. I love you because you're a low-profile person; as humble as you can be.

11. I love your soft touch; you have very special hands.

12. I love the way you really care and worry about me.

13. I love the way you treat my family.

14. I love the fact that you are completely honest with me.

15. I love your loyalty.

16. I love the way you trust me.

17. I love the way you drive.

18. I love your voice when you say sorry.

19. I love the patience in you.

20. I love the fact that you understand me.

21. I love your tolerance and considerations.

22. I love the times when you're shy but you still manage to look cool.

23. I love the times when you couldn't even smile; when you transform into 'The scary monster'. ;)

24. I love the way you always want to be pampered.

25. I love the things that you do for me.

26. I love the fact that you're smart.

27. I love the way you appreciate me.

28. I love how thoughtful you are.

29. I love the way you persuade me.

30. I love how protective you are.

31. I love your willingness.

32. I love you because you are a very, very well-mannered man.

33. I love the way you give in to me.

34. I love the fact of how romantic you are.

35. I love the fact that your gorgeousness melts me.

36. I love how you always suggest me the right solutions to everything.

37. I love how you make it all seem possible to me.

38. I love how you remember all the important things.

39. I love the way you compliment me.

40. I love the fact that you want only the best for me.

41. I love your sincerity.

42. I love the way you treat me.

43. I love the fact that you got me super excited each time I see you.

44. I love the fact that even though we're 16, 900 kilometres apart, you're always there for me.

45. I love you because you're very calm.

46. I love the way you offer me endless support when times are tough.

47. I love how you demand respect but not controlling.

48. I love how you come to me crying like a little boy when you're Really down.

49. I love the way you think about every single thing.

50. I love the fact that I enjoy every moment with you.

51. I love the fact that you make me the Luckiest girl in the world just by having you.

52. I love the fact that you never take me for granted.

53. I love how helpful you are as a person.

54. I love your gentleness.

55. I love the childishness in you; it makes you the cutest guy on Earth.

56. I love the way you bring so much happiness and excitement into my life.

57. I love the fact that you've got manly skills and that's So adorable.

58. I love your incredibly beautiful brown eyes.

59. I love your baby-smooth skin.

60. I love the fact that you always know what's right and what's not; to do things correctly & avoid doing the wrong things.

61. I love the way you write to me in all your lovely cards and letters (and even the ripped-off newspaper). You are So sweet.

62. I love the fact that you always have dreams on me.

63. I love how forgiving you are as a person.

64. I love the way you know how to comfort me whenever I stress out.

65. I love the fact that we have a very strong chemistry.

66. I love the fact that our love is extraordinary; it's like no other.

67. I love when you talk about our future and sound serious about it. :)

68. I love how neat a man you are.

69. I love the fact that you're able to put up with my annoying character.

70. I love the fact that you accept me the way I am.

71. I love the way you define your life priorities.

72. I love the fact that you get along well with people.

73. I love the way you really put effort to gain weight for me. =D

74. I love the way you respond to my jokes.

75. I love the way you've always wanted to sing even when I asked you not to. =P

76. I love the fact that all the little things actually make me love you More Each Day.

77. And last but not least, I love you because you are simply Worth to love...



I can never thank God enough for being given the chance to be with someone like You...

Baby you know I could write 77 millions and more but this is just a short list to at least bring a smile on your face after those exhausting overnight site visits..

=)

I Just Love You.

I KEEP FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU...

Dear Princess,

I am unbelievably lucky to have you in my life.

I think the sweetest thing that can happen to anyone is to meet that special person who makes you feel like you're living in a dream come true.
That's what this is like for me.
It's like that with every smile, every touch, every memory we make.

When almost every day we have together is the kind that you don't want to end, that's when you know the love is real, and it's when you realize what a treasure you're holding on to.

Every time we're together, just doing all the things that lovers and best friends and dreamers do, I keep falling in love with you, over and over again.

I could spend FOREVER doing this. And I hope you know how thankful I am for all the incredibly precious things, you bring into my life.

-Prince


p/s : Thank you.. *smiles*

After All...

Note: This is related to an earlier post in May 'O8.


*DEEP SIGH* when I saw 'him', AND 'her'. Unfortunately I was at work when this unwanted-'sudden rush' came to me. I tried so hard to focus on work, but end up short of quite a big amount. Blaming myself for being too nervous over this particular matter, I just couldn't help it... Memangla he's an EX.. he's history.. he's my past. Cuma... hati ni.... ntahla.. rasa....sebak sgt...
Moreover, with the fact that he actually Begged & Pleaded to be in a relationship with me again, to be mine once more, and with all those tears he shed the night before he left for M'sia, and yea, he promised to come back into my arms when he gets his fugly ass back here...only to prove that he's actually capable of living such lies.. I never thought that he's full of crap. Bullshits, to be exact. I was extremely upset, that's undeniable. I was totally down with myself, I feel unworthy. manipulated. lied to. used. And worse, I feel like I was completely fooled.

But yea...later today I had some logical senses back into my mind. I heard soft whispers telling me that it's him who doesn't deserve me, it's him who is immature (in This term), and it's him who is LOSING..

I wonder why God actually fated us to meet & love & then leave.. But now it is becoming obvious that He (up above) doesn't want me to regret whatever that has happened All these years, including everything Recent of course.. I've become a whole new person with a whole new chapter. Not to say I completely changed, but..nothing can be compared to this massive improvement I've ever had in the past 22 years of my life..
Syukur.

And yes loser, I don't hope. well at least..Not Anymore.

Hmm...."When I saw you and her so close together, with you wearing the same smile you used to have when I was the only girl in your heart, tears strolled down my cheeks...I tried to slowly breathe, I tried to be as calm as I should be, and I, accepted the fact that the other smile next to yours isn't anymore mine...and so I understand, never will it be."

Because after all..... (apparently) it was just meant to be 'a rebound relationship'... for both you & me.

Welcome, LIFE.

FINALLY FOUND...'THE' EXTRAORDINARY.


*bahagia. . .more than I can tell*

Antara Nyawa, Dunia & Khilafnya.

Aku lalu apa yang tidak kau lalu
Jalan ke hilir, berlari ke hulu
Tetapi aku masih aku

Aku ada apa yang tidak kau mahu
Kurang di sana, lebih di situ
Tetapi aku masih tetap aku

Aku rasa apa yang tidak kau tahu
Derita batinku, sihat di matamu
Tetapi aku masih lagi diriku

_______________________________

Hidup aku terlalu sempurna
Lebih dari apa yang aku pinta
Dan bila aku diuji diduga
Itu tanda Tuhan cinta

Hati aku terlalu rapuh
Tetapi jiwaku tak pernah jatuh
Biar hadir segala keruh
Takkan lagi aku berkeluh..

_______________________________

"Kerana aku bukan lagi aku yang dulu..."

"01.01.08 - 03.05.08"

Jangan pernah beri aku harapan andai kau sememangnya tidak yakin dengannya..

Jangan pernah beri aku sandaran andai kau sendiri terlalu lemah jiwanya..

Jangan pernah beri aku perjanjian andai kau berpura-pura..

Jangan pernah beri aku kegembiraan andai kau sanggup hancurkan segalanya..

Jangan pernah beri aku perlindungan andai kau selubunginya dengan dusta..

Jangan pernah beri aku cerita indah tentang cinta, andai keikhlasan tidak kau punya...

"...sesuatu yang pernah aku beritahu sejak dulu, sebelum kita menjadi satu. Namun kau tetap dengan kata2 kosongmu. Kau mainkan perasaanku, dan semudah itu, diriku kau tipu..."

The Colourless Rainbow ...

It's not that I give up or anything.. It's just that...I don't see the need to really opt for something that is clearly impossible, for I am sick of hoping. In a way, I choose not to be in denial, so I won't act as if there's a lot more to be done when there's actually none. I go thru life every day without doubts, but these things have truly made me weak, very deep inside. All the strength I have in me has slowly been taken. They took the best out of me. With whatever I was thrown with, I have nothing but traces of love to give. I love you, with all my soul I do. But whatever my heart feels, I should have known now, the answer to 'why' God has never made it last for me. I now understand the whole point of this emptiness.
Helpless from within, I am now, finally, independent...
To go without regrets, and to leave without your love. . .

Cuz I am Me.

Dalam hidup aku skrg ni ada 4 hubungan penting yg aku kena jaga:-

• Hubungan dgn Tuhan.
• Hubungan dgn keluarga.
• Hubungan dgn studies.
• Hubungan dgn kawan2.

Setiap hari, these are among the things that I keep on reminding myself, for motivation purposes.

• Remember that it won't take long till you finish studying cuz after this you will Never hv the chance to turn back time & u're gonna miss ur life as a student, SO KEEP FOCUSED & DO THE BEST CUZ IT'S WORTH THE EFFORT.
• Kalau nk buat apa2 pun, make sure you go all out because you Never know that there's tomorrow to prove. SO DON'T YOU EVER TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED.
• If possible, don't depend on others to make you happy, do your thing; you know what's best of you, SO FIND WAYS & TIME TO DO WHAT YOU ENJOY DOING.
• Remember that when you're depressed, cry your heart out bcuz it does make you feel better, but don't let whatever that bugs Stop you from meeting the world.
• Take time to get over frustations, but don't carry yourself low. Always remember that you've got your own standards to keep up to.
• Bila malas nak solat, remind yourself that ini je cara utk you tunjuk rs syukur pd Dia cuz He's given you more than enough. SO JGN LUPA DIA SBB KUASA SEMUANYA DLM TGN DIA.
• Kalau dlm keadaan marah, Selalu fkr balik reason dia munasabah atau tidak, And letak diri kita dlm situation org tu. If it turns out that you should, okay then. But if you think that there's more to it, just forget it. SO DON'T GET STRESSED OUT FOR SOMETHING THAT WON'T ACTUALLY MATTER THAT MUCH IN THE FUTURE.

......TAK APE LA......KALAU DH JODOH, TAK KE MANA...

SEKURANG2NYA, SAYA DAH CUBA.

TAPI...SAYA HARAP.....KALAU ADA PUN INSAN YG DICIPTAKAN UTK SAYA,

BIARLAH LELAKI ITU BENAR2 MENCINTAI SAYA SEPERTIMANA HATI SAYA MAMPU MENCINTAINYA....

BIARLAH LELAKI ITU SEDAR AKAN TANGGUNGJAWABNYA....

BIARLAH LELAKI ITU TIDAK HANYA MEMIKIRKAN KEPENTINGAN DIRINYA....

BIARLAH LELAKI ITU MAMPU MENGHARGAI KASIH SAYANG SAYA....

BIARLAH LELAKI ITU TIDAK HANYA BIJAK BERKATA-KATA....

BIARLAH LELAKI ITU MEMILIKI JIWA YG LEBIH KUAT DARI NAFSUNYA....

BIARLAH LELAKI ITU ADA KEIKHLASAN DALAM NALURINYA....

BIARLAH LELAKI ITU SEORANG INSAN YANG TAHU BERSYUKUR DGN SIFAT RENDAH DIRINYA....

Can I Come Back ?

Can I come back dear. . .
for this time I'm sure,
that it will be forever.

Can I come back and love you like I
did once before..?
Can I come back and this time I'll give you
a love that is more than pure.

For only your love my dear is the only cure,
to this poisonous pain called life,
which without you in it. . . I try to endure.

For this time I promise it will be forever
because I've never been so sure.
Can I come back my dear and love you. . .
for it is You, whom I adore.

Can I come back and love you once more,
for without you, my life is like an endless
ocean which will never find its shore.

Can I come back dear and love you. . .
like I did once before.

'The true meaning of .....'

Betul tak....kalau kita sangat sayangkan seseorang, kita sanggup susah utk dia.Betul tak....kalau kita cintakan seseorang, kita akan sentiasa cuba untuk tidak menyakitinya.Betul tak....kalau kita ikhlas dgn seseorang, kita akan rasa kita ada tanggungjawab atas dirinya.
Betul tak....kalau kita rindukan seseorang, kita akan risaukan dirinya, tapi bukan sekadar dengan kata2.
Betul tak....kalau kita benar2 hargai seseorang, kita sanggup jatuh bangun bersamanya.
Betul tak....kalau kita percaya dengan seseorang, kita akan yakin dengan cintanya.
Betul tak....kalau kita jujur dengan hati kita, kita mampu bahagia.
Betul tak....kalau semua ini awak Benar2 rasa, saya takkan dibiarkan begini adanya...

I just don't know anymore.

You give me cuts on the inside, again and again, one after another........

You're killing me entirely...

You're destroying the softer part of my heart.....the place that I thought You'd belong to...

You said You're willing, but You keep coming up with all kinds of reasoning......

You're refusing to take the blame, and You never prioritize the thing that matters...

You always have choices, but You made the wrong ones...

You always have alternatives, but You picked out the selfish ones...

You always leave me holding back, behind You.. as if my tears never meant anything to You...

You never took the chance to understand me real closely, the way I thought You would...

You always express yourself more than what you're actually capable of...

and worse, You always make me believe in your lies...

You made me smile with a heart full of hope, but it never took long before You take it away with your false promises...

"You should know that I am not just anybody that You can walk all over. This way, I wish You luck in love."

Penutup Kisahku ..

Ku awali hariku dengan mendoakanmu
agar kau sihat dan bahagia di sana,
sebelum kau melupakanku lebih jauh,
sebelum kau meninggalkanku lebih jauh..
Ku tak pernah berharap kau akan merindukan keadaanku yang kau letakkan hina..
Ku hanya ingin tatkala kau melihatku bila

pun, di mana pun,
hatimu akan berkata seperti ini....
Gadis inilah yang jatuh hati padamu..
Gadis inilah yang selalu memujamu..

Akulah orang yang akan selalu menaruh harapan,
dan menuliskan cinta di atas sekeping hatimu..
Akulah orang yang akan selalu ingin menjagamu,
menikmati indahmu dari sisi gelapku..
Dan biarkan aku jadi pemujamu,
Jangan pernah hiraukan perasaan hatiku..
Tenanglah, tenang sayang..
Aku takkan sampai hati bila menyentuhmu..
Mungkin kau takkan pernah tahu
betapa mudahnya kau untuk ku kagumi..
Mungkin kau tak pernah sedar
betapa mudahnya kau untuk ku cintai..

Akulah orang yang akan selalu menyayangimu,
Akulah orang yang akan selalu memahamimu,
Akulah orang yang akan selalu melegakanmu,
Akulah orang yang akan selalu mencintaimu,

dari sisi gelapku...

Warkahku ..

Walau seterang mana sinar matahari,

Ia tetap akan hilang dalam gelap malam..

Walau seindah mana bulan purnama,

Ia tetap malap di siang hari..

Walau seunik mana pelangi berwarna,

Ia tetap akan pergi perlahan..

Walau seajaib mana hujan meteor,

Ia singgah hanya sejenak..

Walau sebesar mana sesebuah planet,

Ia tetap kabur dari pandangan..

Walau sekuat mana graviti Bumi,

Ia tetap kalah di angkasa..

Tetapi ini warkahku. . .

Maka ku ingin kau tahu...

"Walau bagaimana sekalipun keadaannya,

Aku akan tetap di sini.

Bersama… hingga akhir nafasku."

*You*

When I was lost in the darkest night,

You rescued me to the brightest light..

When I was down to the deepest ground,

You held me up to where faith is found..

When I was sinking and drowning in melancholy,

You came right here, right up to me..

How can I not consider You too special,

When You took my heart in such a way..

How can I not be amazed by You,

When it’s You who brought the sunshine to a broken smile..

And how can I not see You as a gift too precious,

When it’s You who taught me life’s most important lessons..

It came over me when I least expected..

You created a rainbow of your own, to look after me when the rain leaves me alone..

You led the feeling of love straight to where it belongs,

And all I wanna do is to cherish the wonderful You..

And now that I truly feel You in me,

I am truly blessed to have finally found You,

My dream, my soul, yes You….my life…