After All...

Note: This is related to an earlier post in May 'O8.


*DEEP SIGH* when I saw 'him', AND 'her'. Unfortunately I was at work when this unwanted-'sudden rush' came to me. I tried so hard to focus on work, but end up short of quite a big amount. Blaming myself for being too nervous over this particular matter, I just couldn't help it... Memangla he's an EX.. he's history.. he's my past. Cuma... hati ni.... ntahla.. rasa....sebak sgt...
Moreover, with the fact that he actually Begged & Pleaded to be in a relationship with me again, to be mine once more, and with all those tears he shed the night before he left for M'sia, and yea, he promised to come back into my arms when he gets his fugly ass back here...only to prove that he's actually capable of living such lies.. I never thought that he's full of crap. Bullshits, to be exact. I was extremely upset, that's undeniable. I was totally down with myself, I feel unworthy. manipulated. lied to. used. And worse, I feel like I was completely fooled.

But yea...later today I had some logical senses back into my mind. I heard soft whispers telling me that it's him who doesn't deserve me, it's him who is immature (in This term), and it's him who is LOSING..

I wonder why God actually fated us to meet & love & then leave.. But now it is becoming obvious that He (up above) doesn't want me to regret whatever that has happened All these years, including everything Recent of course.. I've become a whole new person with a whole new chapter. Not to say I completely changed, but..nothing can be compared to this massive improvement I've ever had in the past 22 years of my life..
Syukur.

And yes loser, I don't hope. well at least..Not Anymore.

Hmm...."When I saw you and her so close together, with you wearing the same smile you used to have when I was the only girl in your heart, tears strolled down my cheeks...I tried to slowly breathe, I tried to be as calm as I should be, and I, accepted the fact that the other smile next to yours isn't anymore mine...and so I understand, never will it be."

Because after all..... (apparently) it was just meant to be 'a rebound relationship'... for both you & me.

"01.01.08 - 03.05.08"

Jangan pernah beri aku harapan andai kau sememangnya tidak yakin dengannya..

Jangan pernah beri aku sandaran andai kau sendiri terlalu lemah jiwanya..

Jangan pernah beri aku perjanjian andai kau berpura-pura..

Jangan pernah beri aku kegembiraan andai kau sanggup hancurkan segalanya..

Jangan pernah beri aku perlindungan andai kau selubunginya dengan dusta..

Jangan pernah beri aku cerita indah tentang cinta, andai keikhlasan tidak kau punya...

"...sesuatu yang pernah aku beritahu sejak dulu, sebelum kita menjadi satu. Namun kau tetap dengan kata2 kosongmu. Kau mainkan perasaanku, dan semudah itu, diriku kau tipu..."

Can I Come Back ?

Can I come back dear. . .
for this time I'm sure,
that it will be forever.

Can I come back and love you like I
did once before..?
Can I come back and this time I'll give you
a love that is more than pure.

For only your love my dear is the only cure,
to this poisonous pain called life,
which without you in it. . . I try to endure.

For this time I promise it will be forever
because I've never been so sure.
Can I come back my dear and love you. . .
for it is You, whom I adore.

Can I come back and love you once more,
for without you, my life is like an endless
ocean which will never find its shore.

Can I come back dear and love you. . .
like I did once before.

'The true meaning of .....'

Betul tak....kalau kita sangat sayangkan seseorang, kita sanggup susah utk dia.Betul tak....kalau kita cintakan seseorang, kita akan sentiasa cuba untuk tidak menyakitinya.Betul tak....kalau kita ikhlas dgn seseorang, kita akan rasa kita ada tanggungjawab atas dirinya.
Betul tak....kalau kita rindukan seseorang, kita akan risaukan dirinya, tapi bukan sekadar dengan kata2.
Betul tak....kalau kita benar2 hargai seseorang, kita sanggup jatuh bangun bersamanya.
Betul tak....kalau kita percaya dengan seseorang, kita akan yakin dengan cintanya.
Betul tak....kalau kita jujur dengan hati kita, kita mampu bahagia.
Betul tak....kalau semua ini awak Benar2 rasa, saya takkan dibiarkan begini adanya...

I just don't know anymore.

You give me cuts on the inside, again and again, one after another........

You're killing me entirely...

You're destroying the softer part of my heart.....the place that I thought You'd belong to...

You said You're willing, but You keep coming up with all kinds of reasoning......

You're refusing to take the blame, and You never prioritize the thing that matters...

You always have choices, but You made the wrong ones...

You always have alternatives, but You picked out the selfish ones...

You always leave me holding back, behind You.. as if my tears never meant anything to You...

You never took the chance to understand me real closely, the way I thought You would...

You always express yourself more than what you're actually capable of...

and worse, You always make me believe in your lies...

You made me smile with a heart full of hope, but it never took long before You take it away with your false promises...

"You should know that I am not just anybody that You can walk all over. This way, I wish You luck in love."

Penutup Kisahku ..

Ku awali hariku dengan mendoakanmu
agar kau sihat dan bahagia di sana,
sebelum kau melupakanku lebih jauh,
sebelum kau meninggalkanku lebih jauh..
Ku tak pernah berharap kau akan merindukan keadaanku yang kau letakkan hina..
Ku hanya ingin tatkala kau melihatku bila

pun, di mana pun,
hatimu akan berkata seperti ini....
Gadis inilah yang jatuh hati padamu..
Gadis inilah yang selalu memujamu..

Akulah orang yang akan selalu menaruh harapan,
dan menuliskan cinta di atas sekeping hatimu..
Akulah orang yang akan selalu ingin menjagamu,
menikmati indahmu dari sisi gelapku..
Dan biarkan aku jadi pemujamu,
Jangan pernah hiraukan perasaan hatiku..
Tenanglah, tenang sayang..
Aku takkan sampai hati bila menyentuhmu..
Mungkin kau takkan pernah tahu
betapa mudahnya kau untuk ku kagumi..
Mungkin kau tak pernah sedar
betapa mudahnya kau untuk ku cintai..

Akulah orang yang akan selalu menyayangimu,
Akulah orang yang akan selalu memahamimu,
Akulah orang yang akan selalu melegakanmu,
Akulah orang yang akan selalu mencintaimu,

dari sisi gelapku...

Warkahku ..

Walau seterang mana sinar matahari,

Ia tetap akan hilang dalam gelap malam..

Walau seindah mana bulan purnama,

Ia tetap malap di siang hari..

Walau seunik mana pelangi berwarna,

Ia tetap akan pergi perlahan..

Walau seajaib mana hujan meteor,

Ia singgah hanya sejenak..

Walau sebesar mana sesebuah planet,

Ia tetap kabur dari pandangan..

Walau sekuat mana graviti Bumi,

Ia tetap kalah di angkasa..

Tetapi ini warkahku. . .

Maka ku ingin kau tahu...

"Walau bagaimana sekalipun keadaannya,

Aku akan tetap di sini.

Bersama… hingga akhir nafasku."

*You*

When I was lost in the darkest night,

You rescued me to the brightest light..

When I was down to the deepest ground,

You held me up to where faith is found..

When I was sinking and drowning in melancholy,

You came right here, right up to me..

How can I not consider You too special,

When You took my heart in such a way..

How can I not be amazed by You,

When it’s You who brought the sunshine to a broken smile..

And how can I not see You as a gift too precious,

When it’s You who taught me life’s most important lessons..

It came over me when I least expected..

You created a rainbow of your own, to look after me when the rain leaves me alone..

You led the feeling of love straight to where it belongs,

And all I wanna do is to cherish the wonderful You..

And now that I truly feel You in me,

I am truly blessed to have finally found You,

My dream, my soul, yes You….my life…

Just the way You are.

The way you talk to me…

The way you make me laugh…

The way you sing to me…

The way you apologize…

The way you hold me close…

And the way you look at me…

Simply tell that... every little thing you do -is to impress me..

It really means something that is,

Too special for me to let go,

Too wonderful for me to ignore..

You add sunshine to a smile,

You send butterflies though we’re parted by miles..

When I miss you, I crazily do..

When I hug you, I really feel you..

When I hold your hands in mine,

I secretly wish that you won’t have to leave..

And at times when I teasingly mentioned that “I don’t like you”,

I meant to actually say “I love you.. and I really, really do..”

Is it really you ..?

I want to feel safe…in your protective arms..
I want to feel proud…with your presence by my side..
I want to feel needed…in your sense of belonging..

It’s amazing,
How I suddenly saw a rainbow in a blink of an eye..
How I unconsciously created a garden in the centre of my heart..
How I woke up everyday having you the first thing on my mind..
How I missed every single moment spent with you..

Tell me if it’s real,
Tell me if it’s true,
It’s been long since I felt this special,
Please let me know if it’s really you...