Giving birth the second time.

Today is the day I gave birth to our much awaited baby boy. He was born a preemie at 36 weeks on the dot, weighing only 2.54 kg. 
When I got pregnant with my son I was not as proactive as I was during my first pregnancy. I preferred to stay in on weekends and all the time JD had to attend to weddings/ kenduri without me. My belly was bigger than ever with this one. Hence the dreadfulness to do just about anything. I felt too heavy to even carry myself around. In the 8th month I literally counted hours to give birth (sangat2 tak larat) so I secretly hoped for the labour to happen soon. Comfortably knowing that my past delivery was a preterm labour (without complications), I sort of expected the same this time.

Well, one midnight (around 1am) while I was sleeping (in a sitting position) on bed I suddenly felt wet.. so I got off, and stood still. A few drips of pink blood on the floor (sorry TMI). My water broke so we decided to pack some stuff and make a move. Of course the first hospital that we went to was Al-Islam Specialist Hospital where I had my monthly checkups done. After being scanned I was informed that they couldn't handle my case (I was 35weeks at the time). Worried that there may be complications, they told us the hospital doesn't have the facility (ventilator etc.) and suggested we go to GHKL (General Hospital Kuala Lumpur) instead. JD and I had a brief discussion in the car (while I wet the passenger seat with amniotic fluid) and he made a 'drive-thru' around GH. It's almost 3am. Wasn't hard to make up my mind, I said 'no' straight away. Don't ask me why.

We stopped by the roadside and continued 'google-ing' for nearby hospitals. Never thought that we can be rejected in this condition. All these while (among hundreds of appointments) never once I was informed (by Al-Islam Specialist Hospital) of the inadequacy, otherwise we could have well planned for the next best option(s) available. We would have come prepared, physically & mentally. Sigh..

So after a quick search on a few hospitals & list of gynaecologists we decided to try Columbia Asia Hospital. We were hungry by the time we reach Setapak so JD drove thru the nearest McDonald's and we had our 'supper' inside the car right in front of the hospital entrance. Enjoyed my final fatty meal before the 'torturous' confinement began. 
So around 4 o'clock my husband went in for inquiry (I couldn't be bothered to walk around like a mobile leaking pipe). And guess what, they couldn't admit me as I have no record with the hospital (even for emergencies, seriously? Is giving birth less critical than attending to accident injuries? Then what is the 'medical record/history card' for??) I was told to bring the red card/ booklet wherever I go in my third trimester should I be out of town at the time of delivery. Much to my surprise it did not matter at all, no value, it seemed. Not asked for, not looked at, not referred to. Frustrating.

So we got back in the car, JD asked me whether I wanted to settle down at Prince Court (as he's started to become anxious). But for the overpriced overrated-specialist fee alone, I refused. We slowly drove back to the city. Passed by Pusrawi at Jalan Tun Razak so we decided to drop by and try our luck. It was 5am. Staff nurses & medical officers were crowding the reception when JD came & talked to them. It took him a while until he returned to the car with another rejection. Apparently Pusrawi has it all, (the facility etc) but they couldn't accept us merely because we do not have a record with them. How unbelievable is that? It's not like we come to burden you for Free. I never felt so rejected all my life. Furthermore in that condition.. 
*heavy sigh*

Both JD and I started to get really dizzy for not sleeping the whole night, exhausted, but most of all we were very upset and frustrated with how the system works.

JD came up with another suggestion and this time we headed straight to Pantai Hospital (where JD was born btw). By the time we reached Bangsar, it was nearly 7am. Both of us went in and JD talked to the front desk. They refused us at first (for the same reason given by Pusrawi) but this time JD argued. I understand how tired he must be feeling and to be told off several times in my case was something he couldn't take anymore at that point. The MO came out from the door and tried to explain again (same shit we've been hearing over the night) then JD kept arguing and appealing. Nicely tho. MO went back in to talk to somebody else in-charged. Finally an Indian male doctor came and tried to resolve the issue. 

He took a look at me, told me to come inside their emergency area and rest on bed. He was really nice that he made a personal phone call to one of the gynaes (Dr. Idora) --explaining the situation to her and sort of asking her to take up my case. I still remember smiling ear to ear when he hung up and said 'okay, done'. What a huge relief. JD finally get to sit back and take a breather.

They then sent me straight into the labour room (for a few hours) assuming that I should be ready for delivery but there was neither dilation nor contractions so I was transferred to a single-bed room. Dr. Idora performed an ultrasound and saw a small pool of water remaining inside. So yea, I wasn't due for labour yet but my water broke early. They closely monitored my amniotic fluid everyday and injected me with antibiotics to prevent infection and doses of steroids to fully develop my baby's lungs. I spent a good 5 days at Pantai Hospital.. cost us a total of RM6k. 
The day I turned 36 weeks Dr. Idora said she was confident that I can deliver safely now and if I feel more comfortable in the hands of a familiar face then I may do so. I was glad she asked, without hesitation I told JD to call Al-Islam and talk to my gynae. I was discharged on the very same day and got admitted at AISH. Unfortunately, all the single/ double-bed wards were occupied, leaving me to a four-bedded ward. Gosh I cried when I found out that JD couldn't stay by my side but I knew I had no choice. 

On my second night there I started to feel mild contractions at around 10pm. Like 30 minutes apart. I tried to sleep it off as midnight approached. But the gap in between contractions became shorter so I called for nurse. She brought the CTG machine to check on me. Surprisingly it could not detect my contractions. So the nurse told me to try and go back to sleep. Felt great, didn't it. 

Around 1am+ the pain became more frequent so again I called for the nurse. Same thing, zero detection by the machine and the midwife had the gut to say "oh babies are most active at night that's why you're in pain". Seriously??? Who was she kidding? This isn't my second pregnancy you think I can't differentiate between a baby's movement and a contraction?? How silly.

2am, still bearing the pain all by myself. Knowing that I should be in labour room already I called the nurse for the third time. This time she came and put me on drip. Still didn't believe that I was having frequent contractions (because the machine said so), she walked away. I wonder why a patient's statement doesn't count, I'm the one who's in pain, my body was aching so bad and you think I'm bluffing? What's the point of diagnosis then? Is it all about the machine?! You can't possibly rely 100% on a weak machine! Clearly it could be faulty in so many ways. God..

It was 3am when I had to call for the nurse (again) as the pain became unbearable. She finally went to consult the gynae (Dr. Ros) who's on-call. The midwife was then told to check on my cervical dilation. Literally felt like kicking her when we found out it was already 6cm! Damn machine..
She panicked and quickly ran out looking for somebody to get a wheelchair for me while she went to get the labour room ready. Due to her ignorance there was no time for enema that I ended up passing stools during labour (sorry TMI). 

My contractions became much stronger as I lay on the birthing bed. But the pain didn't only come from that. The selfish midwife asked me to make a phone call to my husband myself! While.in.strong.pain! 
God I really hope what she gives she gets back someday. With the remaining strength I pushed myself to make the call. And of all days, that night his cellphone battery ran out so it was charged downstairs while he was sleeping upstairs (at his mom's place because it's much nearer to the hosp). God knows how many times I called. While.in.strong.pain! Then I had to scroll for Contacts in my phone to search for his dad's number, his sister's, in-laws', you name it I called everyone around the house but geez of all days, nobody picked up the phone that particular night. I didn't cringe of the pain but this 'calling' part made me want to scream my lungs out. I spent the whole 15 minutes calling each of them repeatedly, one after another. Then I remember his other sister who lives nearby his mom's. Thank goodness she picked up right away and with my energy level at the minimum I only managed to say a few words. She & her husband went to my MIL's and knocked the door like mad (took them a while too as everybody was in deep sleep).

I was really afraid that JD couldn't make it because the baby is due anytime! With my first pregnancy he was there the whole time from the moment my contraction started until the end. This time, I had to be on my own in a four-bedded ward, bore the contractions without anybody by my side, and now towards the last part I just can't give in. 

3.30am, he showed up. Phewh! Though he didn't get the opportunity to assist me much this time around, I was so happy that he made it on time. At least to witness the birth of his first son. I delivered my precious baby naturally at 3.45am. Drug-free. (And the freakin midwife left me alone in the labour room until 7ish). As soon as our baby boy was bathed and cleaned, JD recited azan to him and was told to leave the hospital afterwards and to wait until visiting hours.. so he went to the mosque and came back around 8am with breakfast. 
I was then transferred to a suite on the same day (the only single-bed room available). Baby boy had to be monitored in PICU due to infection so we spent another 3 days there until everyone's ready to be home. Syukur Alhamdulillah..for HIS love. We are truly blessed beyond measure.


(Nonetheless, this was indeed my worst hospital experience ever. I am never coming back).

Of umrah, ziarah, baby, and hijrah.

Been meaning to share a lil bit of information on our 2nd family trip to the holiest places on Earth: Makkah & Madinah back in February 2013. Went there for over 2 weeks this time. 
Our first ziarah was wayyy back in the year 2000 during Ramadhan in which we also got to celebrate Syawal (Hari Raya) with Ayah's "godmother" Ummi Khadijah (and family) who live in Tan'eem (bout 5 miles away from Kaa'bah). Since the whole family was around including our late Bibik (maid) who has worked with us for nearly 10 years at that time, so we spent quite a while there. [She passed away due to breast cancer after undergoing chemotherapy treatment for a year++ .. Al-Fatihah Suriyati bt Pak Tir]

Now that I'm married, it was Momma's nazar that we go there again, exhilaration overload this time around having a husband & a daughter going along! There were 7 of us altogether.
I'm gona share some tips that are hopefully useful for those of you who will be performing Umrah with a baby/ an infant. We traveled by MAS (malaysia airlines) where they do prioritize those who fall into this category. So we were given the aisle seats, and Cahya got a bassinet (sort of a moses basket that latches onto the bulkhead in front of you).

Fact: She's seemingly taller than the average child of her age, (1y5m old masa tu) hence the kaki terkeluar like that. Not for long though, cuz you know babies..they wake up every now & then, nak makan, nak sing-along, and most importantly -nak buat walkabout satu flight konon cabin crew.. Poor Ayah had to escort her a few times, from one end to the other. To the extent that even when we bumped into Malaysians they'd call out her name cuz apparently they've "met" each other earlier on board.

JD and I didn't really get a good sleep throughout the journey, partly due to excitement and another was handling her. She woke up every hour no matter how replete she was, probably tried to adjust but as long as there was no crying n such, it's all good! =)

We first spent bout 4 to 5 days in Madinah. Very peaceful environment compared to the busy (yet magnificent) Makkah that we all know. Only that..since Masjid Nabawi is significantly smaller than Masjidil Haram, it's not always easy to get a room to pray in the mosque unless you're one hour early (before each waktu -including Fajr/ Subuh). They have ample space outside the mosque; a (covered) big compound for 'late-comers', cuma saf-wise tu I'm not so sure cuz dekat luar masjid everyone's cluttered -there's really no line, some were nearby the stairs, some praying next to the pillar in the middle and some clumped at the other end. During that time of the year, temperature was quite cold for babies particularly during Fajr thus hoodie sweaters/long johns really help big time to avoid em from catching a cold. Especially if you had no choice but to pray outside (on the marble floor) so yea it's obviously colder for the lil ones. Yes everyone could have extra praying mats but one second you see them sitting on it and the next...poof~! Thrown to the side. Already.

We actually brought along a lightweight stroller which was intended for traveling but... much to our surprise, didn't even get the chance to use it. Macam mana bawak pergi, macam tu la bawak balik, never opened. No lifting though since it has its own bag (reason why it's also called a caddy stroller) so yea 'twas just a matter of dragging it -during transits. Otherwise, the stroller stayed untouched in the hotel room. Thing to note is, you can't bring them inside the mosque (for hygienic reasons). Secondly, too many ppl that it's a bit difficult to expect the crowd to make space for an 'extra baggage' that you need to carry around all the time. Thirdly, getting to places means walking by the roadside alongside rushing, fast moving cars & coasters (some call it shuttles) everywhere so it's kind of riskier don't you think? Lucky that we've also prepared ourselves by buying a baby carrier -exclusively for the trip. And..phewh, the Ergo baby carrier was indeed a life-saver!! Not literally la but 'twas definitely worth the buy and fully in use the entire visit -day and night oh whenever we're on the move! Practical, both parent-and-baby friendly, and most importantly, the baby loved it too she would easily fall asleep in it (since it comes with a detachable head cover/ hood), letting her head rest comfortably against your chest whilst at the same time being protected from the sun.

Whenever I perform my Tawaf, she'd sleep from the start right till the end, regardless of how packed it was around the Kaa'bah, how ppl pushed us from all sides as well as from behind, how loud everyone was, she remained sound asleep, making things easier for me as I carried her around. JD's turn was during sai'e. Since there's more room for everyone during sai'e so sometimes we let her walk/ run along. Terima kasih Allah kerna mempermudahkan. You have no clue how anxious I was bout the whole idea of 'bringing-a-baby-along-for-umrah', at first. Worried of this, and that, and this, and that again. Cahya is of course as active as other normal infants out there (couldn't stay put for a sec), but surprisingly in the holy land she easily went to bed without whimpering, minta dukung, one hour dodoi, etc. So did we have enough rest daily? Sure we did! My dear parents of lil ones, please don't waste your mental energy (like me), always bear in mind that 'somehow' our babies tend to behave in a way that makes us feel completely 'light & easy' the moment we step into Tanah Haram. Duno how to properly put it into words, but having a baby around was neither a distraction nor inconvenient for us to perform our ibadah & Umrah. The power is indeed His.

Alright here's the most interesting part, how did we perform our prayers since one of our concerns is the baby?

We performed our solat the same way as pictured above, except that we have a baby carrier to support the baby and best of all, our hands are totally free so both of us got to pray just like everyone else, sempurna rukun fi'li, the normal practice. MashaAllah isn't it fantastic?

:')

There were times when she's wide awake & wanted to be 'set free' inside the mosque -- toe-walking and running around just like the other kids so when this happened, either myself or my younger sis or Momma would masbuk pada rakaat terakhir. At least we're well aware that she was somehow monitored. However there's a few times during Zuhur or Asar (as it was usually a short one) that we just went ahead with our prayers -thinking she'd be just fine by then. So ada sekali ni I initially sat her next to me, with her favourite books, a soft toy and her fav cereal. Apparently she got bored sooner than we thought & decided to walk away from us. My heart skipped a beat. I heard some other kids' voices and hoped that she was just behind us playing with em and not wander off elsewhere. But nope! Ostensibly someone was observant enough to chase after her, picked her up and put her beside me. Then she stood back up and took a few steps wanting to breeze off one more time but that kind lady helped again and Alhamdulillah Cahya sat still, until I finished. So again, worry not you overly-concerned parents, one thing for sure true Muslim brothers & sisters they all look after each other with mercy. Syukur.. It was certainly a heartfelt deed, bless you dear wherever you are, whoever you may be. Allah knows. :)

**********

Anyway.. simply sharing: Cahya ni allergic to certain type of foods like...oranges, eggs, dates, chocs, nuts, chicken, grapes, kaya (coconut egg jam), pumpkins, some veges, and the list goes on as we discover through trial & errors (as suggested) which usually result in appearance of red spots on her skin whenever triggered. Okay so in both Makkah & Madinah of course there's no time to be choosy eventhough you've prepared aside your baby's food but along the way either stocks run out or your baby keeps getting fed varieties of food sedekah-ed by random people as she does the walk-in-between-tables (during lunch & dinner) or even in the mosque itself hence... I waited the next day to see if anything appears on her skin or any sign of itchiness in case she starts scratching n all, but again, much to our surprise, nothing happened! I was astonished and grateful at the same time, so Momma tried giving her 'those kinda food' again and bam! --It's gone! The allergy has gone away!! So yea, makan was not an issue anymore~ she was able to enjoy all the food, double joy! I actually had a thought masa tu, "Is it just because we're here? Could this be temporary?" Hmmm. 

So... balik Malaysia I fed her with whatever she loved eating in the holy land and yeay Alhamdulillah, syukur..! God willing we don't see any red spots anymore since then. Never again. Alhamdulillah. No medicine. Miracle happens. And I believe in kun faya kun. =')

We spent more than a week in Makkah and stayed at Al-Shohada Hotel on the 8th floor, had the most pleasant stay there and the service was tip top! Approximately 7 mins walk to Masjidil Haram but they also provide coaster buses -available every 5 to 10 minutes.

Please note that if you decide to go shopping (usually in the last few days in Makkah) and then head to the mosque straight away after, you're not allowed to enter Masjidil Haram carrying those shopping bags (yes souvenirsss I know right..) as there are guards at every single door/ entrance/ exit there is. Either you pray outside at the compound, or store them at the Luggage Lockers -near the Zam-zam Tower where you need to pay by the hour. Eh that rhymes.

Okay guess I can wrap this up for now. Not sure if I've poured enough info which I thought was important for this kind of trip-with-babies but I hope it can be of any help to ease your decision-making (baby-wise) & gives you peace of mind inshaaAllah!

Selamat beribadah. :)

7-Eleven!

Yesterday was my birthday~! November 7th \(",)/

Frankly speaking ever since I met JD, my birthdays have always been literally extravagant, always beyond expectations and extremely overloaded with sweetness all through. :')

Birthdays. To me is just another annual event that you ought to celebrate, you know, (the conventional) cakes & candles, balloons & banners, etc. On this date every year, I never really thought of appreciating the number of years I have spent in this world.. Also all these while I've been thanking the one who fought-for-her-life-to-give-birth-to-me solely on Mother's Day instead of my birthday (iskk..) and I never actually evaluate my contributions --as a daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend, neighbour, employee, and most of all, as a slave to the Almighty.

I went on everyday wishing I had more time for this and that, but when I do have the time -my energy level forbids.. so there goes~

Hmmm. My personal revolution this year would be to maximize the quality time I have by spending it wisely (for God's sake) just so I could contribute more, by all means inshaaAllah. ♡

**********

O-kay... so yesterday someone apparently came back quite late from work, bout 9ish.. said he was busy completing Site Investigation reports thus I spent the happy hours playing with Cahya (who is now 2 years and 1 month old).

Well soon as he reached home, he didn't bring his car in and so I asked why.. Baby said someone blocked the gate --while I peeked from the door and yes I saw a car outside but since I just removed my contact lens so yea, blurred vision = nothing suspicious!

He went upstairs to perform his prayers. Still in his office attire he came down so I thought he must be very hungry cuz normally he would've taken a shower first. Ajak makan but he insisted that I go to the front door. He said there's something outside for me so he got one hand covering my eyes and the other holds mine, walked me to the porch as i was 'blind-folded'. Until I guess I was already standing so close to the gate, and..... S U R P R I S E !!! 

I screamed (gosh..) and pulled his hand and hugged him and began asking too many questions all at once. The whens, hows and whys.. like seriously, it's a freakin car kot!! A birthday gift meh?! You made me cryyy on my birthdayyy! Awwh B.....what have I done to deserve all these.. really.

Thank you baby for loving me as I am, thank you for your doa, thank you for your sincerity... You leave me speechless every. single. time. you do this.

=')

I just, love.

My 2011.

Mmmkay where do I begin...

Lemme just summarize the most memorable year of my life, 2011!

That last entry I posted was right after attending kursus kahwin and more or less 2 months before I got married to the man of my dreams, JD. =')
To be exact the date was 1.1.11 (january first, twenty eleven). Syukur Alhamdulillah the solemnization took place at my parents' and the wedding ceremony held just the next day. The weekend after that (jan 8th) was my second reception -in a decent hall on a rooftop whereas the following weekend (jan 15th) was the final reception; his side. 

Well I. have. never. been. happier..
What an ultimately gratifying way to start the year I must say.

Fast forward: moving on to the next chapter.. come March and I got preggy!! Happy feet weeeeehooo~! It took us quite some time (probly like two months or so) till it eventually hit us in the heads lol. Rezeki, mate!

JD actually planned on a honeymoon at the Europe so yea by the time we went there I was already 16 weeks pregnant lol.. We first went for JD's graduation at Royal Albert Hall in London (where Imperial College normally hold the ceremony) God knows how proud I am for all of his achievements Congratulations dear husband i love you beyond infinity!!
The Royal Wedding (William & Kate) was also happening at the same time (just the day after) so yea we hung out @ Westminster Abbey for the first half of the day and slowly walked down the streets as the parade passes by. Lovely weather, not too cold, not too warm. Just perfect.

Few days in London and then off we went to Madrid, Rome, Pisa, Venice and then back to London before flying home. Our honeymoon vacay took approximately 3 weeks. So many things I could've shared then but it's been almost 3 years and am pretty occupied now T_T
Shall try to pen it down someday when the mood kicks in!

Syukur that the whole time I was pregnant I never had any morning sickness, as well as cravings and whatnot.. much to my own surprise! And oh, not even a slight appearance of stretch marks too (thank goodness for that) Alhamdulillah.

As for other common hormonal changes such as extreme sleepiness, heartburn, leg cramps and weight gain (I put on 12 kilos fyi!) were all part of the priceless experience that I've encountered.

With all the driving to & fro my office, squatting to get stuff from the bottom shelf, climbing up & down the stairs (both in office & at home) certainly helped a lot during labour. And I really mean a lot. So she (oh yes our first child is a SHE -just what we wished for hehe!) 'decided' to come out n see the world when I was only at 36w4d. One month earlier that is! Went into the labour room at about 8pm and gave birth around 1am on September 22nd, that's a double joy in a year! JD stood beside me the whole 5 hours, reciting doa & zikir tanpa henti, literally tak putus2 whispering to my ear, and on my forehead. Listening to his recitals totally calmed me down, tiap saat ikut dalam hati.. Terima kasih, si kacak saya. Still dressed in his office attire, kemas berkemeja dengan kasut kulitnya. Nak masuk labour room, tengok wajah kesayangan hamba, hati pun berbunga. Sempat.
God's will it was a normal birth, no TENS machine no epidurals no laughing gas no complications and the only thing I took was Pethidine jab, mainly to help fasten cervix dilation (by acting as a muscle relaxant), at the same time provides sedation in between contractions..

Recalling how smooth the delivery was, I feel So blessed and content..!

The 44days-confinement ensued & that was how my twenty eleven ended.. (swear i didn't quite like those so-called confinement foods i lost my appetite in less than 2 weeks i rather not eat at all) huhu~

Anyhow 'twas still the Best year of my life -having so many miracles to remember.. ©

Hi.

:)

It's been a long.......while.

Semat dalam diri, kekal dalam hati, ingat sampai mati.

Yang paling aku ingat (dan harus sentiasa ingat) dalam gurauan tersirat sang ustaz (tentang alam sah berpasangan) :

1. Saling melengkapi. Apa yg tak ada pada kita, ada pada pasangan. Vice versa. Don't ever play the blame game. If he couldn't do something as you would expect, You do it. If you couldn't make him something that he thought you could, he shall do it then. Never expect your other half to know and do everything, because you don't & you can't do literally Everything too. Help complete each other.

2. Jadi pendengar bila dimarahi. Even if you're not listening, just pretend that you are. Do not raise your voice to one another & of course, don't let the other person does that to you as well. Draw a limit if you don't want to lose respect. Create some borders, but not boundaries. When he talks, you listen. Vice versa. Only discuss when the situation is less tense.

3. Lalui tiap hari with excitement, jgn kalah pada stress. If you think everything is stressing you out (and allowing pressure to get in the way) most of the time, then what won't? If work is stressing you out, your surroundings are, marriage is, friends are, then what on Earth makes you happy? Be in charge of your mind, take control of your mood. Today is different from yesterday. Every one thing that you look forward to has its own degree of excitement. Let some happiness crawl in between your hectic life & tight schedules. Do not aggravate stress and surrender to it.

4. Sayang keluarga mereka sama seperti darah daging sendiri. If you feel like you need more of his time & attention devoted to you and only you, always remind yourself that you now have two sets of parents and extra number of siblings. Each & every single person is now your family. Learn to love them unconditionally, the same way you love your own flesh and blood. Be yourself and try not to treat them like strangers. Don't get awkward, learn to develop closeness.

5. 'Diam, tarik nafas dalam2, sabar..' are always the better options in most situations. Always control your temper. He's another entity, bukan hakmilik mutlak. Vice versa. He's not a material that you own. You are there to accompany each other, do everything together. Bukan lagak umpama tuan & pengikutnya. Or like a pet & his owner.

6. Love, Thank you, Rindu, Please, and Sorry.. are the most important words in life. Because again, neither you nor him are leaders / followers. You are partners, of equal shareholders. Jangan mengarah & memerintah. Such things will slowly menjauhkan hati. (Tawar hati is the main symptom of separations, in most cases.)

7. Because perempuan tidak wajib mencari nafkah (juga memasak dll.) but nowadays women are no longer housewives & majority are career-women, therefore your partner should always help with house chores because both of you work hard to earn money for a living and you get tired after work everyday, so be fair to each other. Nothing should be one-sided. Sedangkan men yang much stronger than women pun letih di hujung hari, apa lagi kaum wanita. If you don't have a superpower yourself, don't ridiculously expect your other half to have that super extra energy ya.

Semoga berjaya mencapai matlamat sebenar sesebuah perkahwinan. Well well.. good luck ;)

bicara aku yang rindu. pada apa sebenarnya, aku tidak tahu.

kamu wajib dibenci.


tapi..


ego aku belum cukup tinggi untuk lupakan kamu.


sedang hati aku belum cukup sembuh untuk maafkan kamu.




anehnya,


aku tidak pernah mampu,

untuk benar2 benci kamu..